| Hey everyone. Sup? Haven't written in this sucker in quite some time. Feel like I outgrew it a bit, but lately I've been feeling a strange desire to type in it again. :) So for those who care to read some randomness from a stressed out, yet very happy senior, read on :) Life is really good for me lately. I've recently been dealing with a TON of emotional stress with family issues and feelings of inadequecy (sp?) on my part in my family. However, I am also in the throws of student teaching, attempting to plan a wedding, spend time with friends, and enjoy every last minute of my life as a college student. I havae been through a lot in my life, a lot of good, and a lot of hard times. And the one thing that has really hit me since last May, is that I'm so much different than I ever thought I could be. My world is so much bigger and so much deeper than anyone told me that it was going to be. So many shades of grey, so many changes that are supposed to be adapted to... I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. (Thanks Trev) We don't always know what that reason is right away, and sometimes not at all... but there is one. God knows what he's doing, and sometimes it sucks. And the pain is horrible, and you just want to crawl into a hole and sleep forever. The tiredness overwhelms you, the emotion overwhelms you, and you hate everything. I've been there. Lots. But the most important thing that I've learned is to move on. To be grateful for the love and the experiences that I've been given, and to let go of all bitterness and hurt. The hurt changes you... it makes you stronger. But holding onto it just eats away at you. It pulls down all of the happiness and the joy that is in your life...and it changes you. I've noticed lately how many people in this world are so bitter. Things that upset us, we hang onto. We let them ruin relationships. Why? To prove a point? It's dumb. What good does it do to spend the rest of your career being mad at someone? Example: My freshman year...AUJO. My first few rehearsals, I hated it. I would leave rehearsals and go back to my room and cry because I felt worthless. Scott was great, the group was great, but I had never felt so much like an idiot in my life. I felt like every year of lessons, every day of those 13 years I had played piano was for nothing, and that no matter how hard I tried, I'd never get better. But Scott had patience with me, helped me, and Megan and I learned. Got better (not great) and I started to really love it. Then I had to choose. Sophomore year, I had to give up the one group that I loved the most. I couldn't afford to go to Spain. Didn't have the money, and wasn't going to find it. I gave up my spot in the group because it was best for the group. I joke about it now, because I don't hold any bitterness. Yeah, I still get sad every once in a while. I mean, my best friend got engaged on that trip... they got to see amazing things... but had I gone on that trip, I would not be close to Todd, or McGinnis, and even Evan...and those people make it worth it to me. I still miss the big band... tons. But I'm not bitter. I could be. I could blame Scott and say he didn't work hard enough to find me money to go. Or I could blame Steve for not waiting to propose until I was there.. but why? The world doesn't revolve around me, and neither do I want it to. I guess I just feel that you decide your own path. God has a plan for us, but if we just sit on the couch everyday, nothing is gonna happen. It's like those pot commercials. Lol. The ones where they are sittin on the couch and sayin that nothing bad is gonna happen on the couch, and the tag line is "I'll take my chances out there." That's how I try to live. (Not the pot thing... but you know) Just... stop being bitter. You make your own choices. Work hard, you'll get rewarded. If things don't go how you want them to, take a deep breath, work harder, and prove that you are as talented and as ambitious as you wanna be treated. You'd be surprised at the friends you make along the way... |
